[ I am just making this up because the show never explicitly tells us. Dammit. It's not an easy subject. She dislikes thinking about what has happened to her, and she doesn't like being called stupid. She isn't. She is just not as cruel as she needs to be. ]

I tried to stab him with his own knife. He snapped my arm like a twig.

[ Her tone is matter of fact. She could be talking about the weather. ]

I think you're wrong. In some way, I do still love him. He is all I have. And I am all he has.