( it's more than just urgency then; the way his voice raises an octave but still breaks at the end, the way he suddenly blinks so angrily for a couple of times or his vision will be blurred. Brian knew this was coming some day - or he assumed it was before everything went wrong. )
( he never wanted any of this for any of them. he never wanted to lead them on aimlessly for so long. )
( ... but at the same time he can't just stay silent now, not when he can say it to someone he knows would understand him. or someone he hopes would. )
I wasn't there! I didn't know what it was like until I experienced it myself; the blacking out. The blank spots. Waking up weeks later with bruises and nightmares and trying to get the hell away but always waking up in those woods, in that--
( that hole. that hole, trying to find Alex, or trying to find Tim, or going through tape he didn't remember filming and seeing it uploaded for everyone to watch. to the ark, to the ark, to TH E A RK written all over, sometimes in pen all over his arms, sometimes all over his legs, sometimes etched into wood or stone in what he could only assume was the masked man's frustration.
until one day it all started coming together. it started coming to him in flashes, in dreams, in sequences he'd once been unable to make sense of.
he was ill; so much that he was chasing Tim up and down looking for pills instead of his direct help. )
When I started remembering it was too late. It's like- like it latched on like a parasite and grew into me. The more the Operator came closer, the worse it got. ( sickening. horrible. Brian tugged at Tim's wrists, almost holding on for dear life. ) I wanted to tell you, but I was scared.
no subject
( it's more than just urgency then; the way his voice raises an octave but still breaks at the end, the way he suddenly blinks so angrily for a couple of times or his vision will be blurred. Brian knew this was coming some day - or he assumed it was before everything went wrong. )
( he never wanted any of this for any of them. he never wanted to lead them on aimlessly for so long. )
( ... but at the same time he can't just stay silent now, not when he can say it to someone he knows would understand him. or someone he hopes would. )
I wasn't there! I didn't know what it was like until I experienced it myself; the blacking out. The blank spots. Waking up weeks later with bruises and nightmares and trying to get the hell away but always waking up in those woods, in that--
( that hole. that hole, trying to find Alex, or trying to find Tim, or going through tape he didn't remember filming and seeing it uploaded for everyone to watch. to the ark, to the ark, to TH E A RK written all over, sometimes in pen all over his arms, sometimes all over his legs, sometimes etched into wood or stone in what he could only assume was the masked man's frustration.
until one day it all started coming together. it started coming to him in flashes, in dreams, in sequences he'd once been unable to make sense of.
he was ill; so much that he was chasing Tim up and down looking for pills instead of his direct help. )
When I started remembering it was too late. It's like- like it latched on like a parasite and grew into me. The more the Operator came closer, the worse it got. ( sickening. horrible. Brian tugged at Tim's wrists, almost holding on for dear life. ) I wanted to tell you, but I was scared.