( not his. not his, not Tim's, don't let Brian ever hear it or— )

( his heart sinks a little further; of course he would ask. if placed in the same situation, wouldn't he want to know too? when finally understanding his own condition, didn't he seek answers as well? he got more than he bargained for, true, but it was a risk Brian had to take. )

I was hardly myself for... A long while.

( the nightmares. the glimpses from the corner of his eyes. his phone ringing but ending in static, his vision blurred in broad daylight. the persistent looming clicking like a low growl that just wouldn't end for hours and hours, days, nights, unti Brian was sinking into a hospital bed. )

( and then the blank spots were more than the times he did remember. )

( ... he can't recall the exact time he began to recognize himself as that hooded figure. when it became clear to him that It was a part of him. much less when did memories start blending together? )

After all I did? I figured you'd better think I was. ( because he hurt Tim. ) You wouldn't... Wouldn't thinK I betrayed you. Or that I'd ever lied to you about who I am. Or was.

( who he is now is different. he's not just Brian. he can feel it in his bones. )

I was so worried about keeping you safe that I... It didn't care and I ended up doing the opposite.

( and he is so sorry for it. )