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entranceworks2016-05-21 12:32 am
vitaelamorte) wrote in entranceworks2016-05-21 12:32 am
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+ ENTRANCEWAY TEST DRIVE MEME +
You are overjoyed at the sound of a new voice, you are drawn into the nostalgic delights of an old favourite, you are captivated with curiosity about a new game, entertained by the eventuality of your participation AND YET--
--there are still some hurdles left to climb. BUT FEAR NOT! Whether to test or to hone, to prepare or refine, whether to socialise or scout, you are now right where you need to be at the
♥ ENTRANCEWAY ♥
TEST DRIVE MEME
► Try out any new characters and new Mirrors here! Have a go at the setting, thread with its current players, and see if Wonderland is a good fit for you and/or your character. Post a top level comment, tag into other people's starters, enjoy yourself!
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► Please only note that any threads on the test drive meme are not game canon, and cannot be used as part of the activity check OR as samples for any future applications. Thank you for understanding!
► Intrigued? Check out our...NAVIGATION | INPUT & INQUIRIES | TAKEN CHARACTERS | RESERVES | APPLICATIONS
AND THAT IS ALL, throw yourself into the tag fray, and enjoy! ♥
no subject
I understand completely. You are, after all, a mother. And that is what mothers do, is it not? Put their kids in their place. A mother knows what's best for you, so a mother's word should be absolute. We were asking for it, surely. We made you hurt us. For our own good, right?
[Right. That's what parents are. There's no such thing as safe, not really. No such thing as someone who loves you too much to beat you into obedience. Kind of foolish to ever believe otherwise, wasn't it?]
I do not know if Frisk would have given up there, had they truly been alone. They seem to have a very good understanding of what parents are like, too. But they were not alone. I was the future of humans and monsters, was I not? We had to keep going. We had to see New Home. The barrier. Asgore. Or... wherever Frisk intended to go.
You killed us, once or twice. We tried to ACT peacefully. Tried to talk you out of it. It did not work.
no subject
They did not deserve it. Even in her version of events... she cannot say the child that killed her deserved to feel pain in return. But she was so very, very desperate, to do something that they didn't deserve, if it would only prevent something even worse.
But she did not know it was them. No child deserved it, but... She did not know she was raising her hand against Chara, and that... that makes it so much worse than she ever could have dreamed.
Chara, who never talked about their biological parents. Chara, who showed so many... unfortunate tendencies, said so many little things that spoke to a much greater tragedy. Chara, who did not seem to understand what love and gentleness was, who recoiled from her touch when she offered it without warning first. Chara, who never had to say a word for Toriel to know that whatever home they had come from, had not treated them right. That whoever claimed to be their parents should never have been allowed anywhere near a child.
And she had hurt them. Unwittingly helped reinforce whatever terrible views of adults and parents and mothers that they had. They had died, again, in such an already broken state- and she had... Her magic... she had planned to stop if they became too injured, but. She must have made a mistake, not held back enough if she had actually... No, it doesn't matter. Intentionally or not, she had... she had done something as horrible as that. The worst thing she could possibly imagine.
She killed her own child.]
...Nothing I could say or do could possibly make up for what I have done to you.
Mothers do not do what I did. I... have failed, as your mother.
no subject
...but they start to laugh. A high, strained giggle that refuses to be suppressed.]
You really are no different than them!
[And isn't that a horrible thing to say? Just because you got hurt, just because you allowed yourself to die once or twice? That's just twisting the knife. That's just being cruel.
But... she's going to stop loving one of them, no matter what. She stopped loving Asgore. And Chara... Chara's already hurt her. Chara's the reason she lost so many children. Frisk has a future. Chara doesn't. Frisk has people who care about them. Chara doesn't. Frisk is the one they really wished for, not Chara. So... so therefore...]
With enough tries, I began to learn. The more they killed, the more distanced they became. The less they hurt. The less we hurt. Over and over again, we repeated the same story. Either you hurt us, or I watched you die. Nothing else would change your mind. We either received violence or responded with it. And I... understood. Why I had awakened. What I had to do to make it stop.
Ma'am. Toriel. Your Highness.
It was not Frisk who killed you. It was me.
no subject
Chara's words hurt her. For good reason, of course. She cannot simply wallow in self-pity, however. Even though what she'd done to them was awful, unforgivable... she would not blame them if they never wished to speak to her again, but if she can... she'd like to make up for it. Maybe she has no chance now- maybe she's broken her relationship with them forever, but she'd like to help them, if she can.
She can certainly understand not wanting to be around somebody who was responsible for your death.
Though, those words hurt far less than what they have to say next. That Chara had been a part of Frisk... it wasn't something that she had been given enough time to process. The idea that Chara had been present in the child who killed her, as well- may have even had a part in it... it was not something that had truly occurred to her.]
...I suppose I...
[...Deserved it? No. That bit of self-deprecation is quickly set aside. Nobody deserves that. Not a child, not Asgore, and not her. She pauses a moment, collecting her thoughts... trying to make sense of this. What it must have been like for Chara... to be trapped in an empty existence like that. To be hurt by those that they had considered family and friends. To be killed. To be stuck in a loop. An utterly hopeless situation, with no visible way out- a feeling that they HAD to make it stop.
That doesn't make it okay. But...]
I suppose I can understand why you would do that, Chara.
[It's not a reason worthy of her scorn.]
no subject
At the very least, anger is something they can predict and brace themselves for. But she... Toriel answers with that, and the ground beneath Chara feels much less stable. What do they make of that? They don't dare fool themselves into thinking they can have forgiveness. Not for a single second. There's nothing they could ever do to even begin to deserve forgiveness.
Beneath the table, they fiddle with the ends of their sleeves. Clench and twist and wring the fabric nervously. Can't stay completely still and poised and upright, no matter how hard they try.]
...What about Frisk?
no subject
Was it anything like yours? Trapped... devoid of emotions?
[If so, then... perhaps she had judged them too harshly.
Either way, though... she's far more concerned with Chara. With her child, the one right in front of her, that she had tried to raise. Will still try to raise, if she can- she reaches a hand out, and rests it on the table- her palm facing up. An invitation for Chara to take it, if they so wish.]
Chara... what you did. Whatever part you had in it, how big or how small. It was wrong. I will not deny that.
But that situation you described to me... simply hearing about it nearly tore my heart in two. I cannot imagine what it must have been like for you to experience it. To be trapped that way for so, so long.
I do not think that anyone could truly hold anything that you did in that state against you. You are only a child, but you have already suffered so much more than anybody ever should.
no subject
[Tell the truth, Chara. For better or worse, tell the truth. Keep it together.
They firmly tell themselves to not even look at the offered hand. They... what they want has nothing to do with it. It's a matter of what they deserve. And this... this is all backwards, isn't it? Frisk's supposed to be the one who's just a kid. Who gets forgiveness. Who gets loved. Chara's the one who's done awful things, who was all wrong, who has done nothing to deserve a single ounce of pity.]
...You should hold it against me. Not Frisk. I told you. It was me. Everything bad that happened... that was me. I didn't... nobody made me, I didn't have to, but I cut you down. I... I made myself want it enough that I cut you down in a single hit! Frisk was the one who saved everyone, I was the...
I'm the one you should hate.
[Isn't that... why isn't that obvious? Chara made their choice long ago. Chara looked into a mirror and said "it's me" instead of "it's you," and they don't get to back down from that. They don't get to try and... try and steal what's supposed to be Frisk's. They've had so much time to get used to Toriel holding another child's hand instead, to remind themselves that they're not the one who needs love.]
no subject
[Chara's words are... unpleasant to listen to. But they do not surprise her. Even back at New Home, they would seem surprised when Toriel would forgive them for something. Seemed to believe that they would earn her hate, that she would stop caring for them. That maybe even she should stop caring for them. That they were unworthy of her love.
It was little things. Small signs that her child had a difficult past. Things that children with loving parents shouldn't do, shouldn't say. Nothing so obvious and as horrible as what she's hearing now, though.
Her child has been through so much without her, and now they are placing all the blame squarely on their own shoulders, and it's terrible to listen to.]
I will not hold it against you, Chara. And I will not hate you, either. I hardly have any right to call you my child after what I have done to you, but... That is still what you are to me.
I will always love you.
[Her voice is quiet and gentle, and her hand stays right where it is. It's okay if Chara doesn't want to take it- she still wants them to know it's there. She's ready to take their hand and hold it anytime they want.]
no subject
If she hated them, Chara would know how to respond to that. If she said she never wanted Chara, if she agreed it was Chara's fault, because it is, they made it happen, they're the one who made her suffer... then they'd understand. When you do something bad, you have to get punished for it. It's not... it isn't right to not get punished, is it? If they don't make her hate them instead, then surely that's... that's just shrugging off the blame, getting off scot-free, being... being kind of sneaky. Like they're just... they're tricking her, somehow, into forgiving them, so they don't have to get in trouble.
They don't understand why she still loves them.
Big kids don't cry, so they don't. There's... nothing here to even cry about, anyway. They didn't get hit, so why would they ever feel like crying? So instead they force their expression to go blank. Pull their legs up onto the chair, press them against their chest. Duck their head. Scrunch their fingers up into their hair.
They don't know what to say. They don't know how they even feel. If this is relief, heartache, fear, anger, love... they just... they don't. The kitchen smells like home and she still speaks softly and offers her hand and she says she loves them, and the warmth of it all is more than they even know how to swallow.]
I don't understand! I don't... I don't deserve it. I don't deserve any of this. I hurt you so much.
no subject
You deserve so much more than I could ever hope to offer you.
[She knows that it's true. The very fact that they're reacting like this. Curling up like that. Proclaiming that they don't deserve it... it just further cements that they're only a child. A scared, lost child, who still has so much to learn about compassion, who needs to be helped and loved. Not hated.]
What we both did was terrible, but. It does not mean that we can not learn from it. It does not mean that we do not deserve mercy, and kindness.
[She wishes that she could hug Chara, hold them close and reassure them... but she feels that they would not appreciate that right now. So instead, she stands up- takes the pie. It should be cool enough by now- and goes over to the counter. A few moments later, she comes back with a slice of pie on a plate, which she sets in front of them.]
Here. You probably need to eat, my child. I made it just how you like it.